another moral hangover. fuck.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
