i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
