"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
