oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
