you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
