That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
