if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
