oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
