Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
