how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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