Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
