dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
