she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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