Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
