Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
