So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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