i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
