You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
