my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
