Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
time to smoke my breakfast
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
