my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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