I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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