11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize