Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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