so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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