Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize