i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
