Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
