ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
