i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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