dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My balls are so social today.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
