So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
