It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
