i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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