is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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