Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
