i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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