oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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