i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize