My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
