I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
