Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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