I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
