just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize