if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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