I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
