Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
