Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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