Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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