I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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