More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
