Sry I called you an 8
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
