when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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