i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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