I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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