I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize