I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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