I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
