I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
