I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
