I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
