Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
