just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
