we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
