bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
