Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
