the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Who died my cat blue again?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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