Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize