foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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