The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
