Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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