very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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