i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
