I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
