Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
