dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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