He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
