then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
