Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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