And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
