you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
