pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
