we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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