Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
