the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
