I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
