I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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