Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
