When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
